In my travels and many deep discussions with friends I have realized that I am not alone in this trap that lies waiting in my mind…

I’m putting all y’all on blast!
(just kidding!)

The most interesting thing about this quest that I’ve started is learning that these feelings and barriers Ive struggled with are not isolated only to me.  I’ve been truly thinking to myself that everyone has got it all together and since I’m so overweight I just have to go ahead and endure and deal with it until I can either lose it or die.  No wonder I lived in such despair! That attitude was literally killing me.

What is it that makes us treat ourselves so harshly?  Makes us dart to get out of a picture or cringe if someone should capture us in a video clip? I’m a big girl, not really known for my cat like reflexes, and if someone is recording a video I instantly become a freaking ninja of the night.  One step ahead of the camera man like I’m the CIA or something.
My four year old daughter believes she is beautiful. We tell her all the time. We tell her how smart and funny she is.  I started thinking, at what point will she learn what all of us gals learned?  At what point will my baby girl start to look at herself in the mirror and find fault? I look at her sweet little round face and see perfection.  I see her little sassy expressions and it makes me smile.
I shudder to think, “What have I already taught her?”

A wonderful friend of mine had me read an article about how women learn at some point to loathe a camera.  It’s a challenging read that prompts us to go ahead and throw ourselves into those pictures and document our wonderful lives the way we are.  I don’t want my babies to look back and wonder why I wasn’t around.
I WAS!
I was only lurking around behind the lens.
Ladies,  we are not meant to live life behind the lens.  I can’t wait to live my life for when I might be camera ready.  Everyone who loves me and will cherish pictures of me already knows what I look like anyway.

Thanks to lots of precious women in my life, who have been willing to share with me, I am discovering so much about the roots of our beauty beliefs.  Why we do these things and where do we learn it from?

In my pursuit of a meaningful makeover I want to learn and investigate the how’s and why’s of what I’m doing and not just slap some makeup on.  I want to make sure that the message I give to my daughter helps her hold onto that sweet and natural acceptance of herself.  That  she’ll be able to grow into steady confidence and kindness to herself and the girls around her.  I want her to shine!

So shine I MUST.

Check out the great article that inspired this blog post:
http://myfriendteresablog.com/so-youre-feeling-too-fat-to-be-photographed/