If I acted on my urges I would have reached out by now.
I would have broken this ice of silence.
I would have told you how deeply I still miss you sometimes.
How much it all still means to me.
There are a few things left I could not bear to throw away,
stored and hidden away.
Behind the clothes in my closet.
Waiting for the day
when no one will notice if I pull them out and wear it all on my sleeve again.
I would share how much I’ve learned while I’ve been away.
I would be able to say all of the things it has taken a year to store up and say.
I would share how the pain
and the terrible cost of what was lost
was worth these new versions of ourselves we were meant to become.
I would thank you showing me the depth of love that lives inside of loss.
I would at last, be strong enough!
To not let it kill me-
the inevitability,
of your rejection.
Again.
