“The point is the love story. We live in a love story in the midst of war.”
― John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God

Sitting down in the early morning hours to write is like turning on a faucet. Naked and waiting for the water to get warm with truths and honesty. Consenting to God, to rinse of the dirt and smudges from living life. I had a good friend encourage me once that writing (specifically poetry) can be and is my prayer closet. With each day I realize more and more the truth behind that. I look forward to it more and more. Emerging as just as important as bathing.

That being said, trying to stay “in bounds” with eating is proving to be a difficult task while away from home and my routine. It has helped knowing that each morning I still have to check in with myself and be accountable. Outside of my little world that consists of mommy, wife and household worries there is an entire world out here demanding attention and devotion. Part of the recovery process is about having to learn how to live in the world and stand firm and ok with yourself against its strong current pulling you in. The even stronger current it seems, is that of the family cycle.

“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you so not just live in a world but a world lives in you.”
-Frederick Buechner, Telling the Truth

Isn’t that beautifully complicated?

Aren’t all families? Each person has a story. Each heart carrying with it a whole cast of players. Heroes and villains. Setting and soundtrack. Triumphs, tragedies and rages. Milestones and memories. Truths, secrets and lies. Moments we will forever treasure and haunting moments we wish we could erase. Each brick, good and bad, building the story of your life.

“It is a world of magic and mystery, of deep darkness and flickering starlight. It is a world where terrible things happen and wonderful things too. It is a world where goodness is pitted against evil, love against hate, order against chaos, in a great struggle where often it is hard to be sure who belongs to which side because appearances are endlessly deceptive. Yet for all its confusion and wildness, it is a world where the battle goes ultimately to the good, who live happily ever after, and where in the long run everybody, good and evil alike, becomes known by his true name….That is the fairy tale of the Gospel with, of course, one crucial difference from all other fairy tales, which is that the claim made for it is that it is true, that it not only happened once upon a time but has kept on happening ever since and is happening still.”
― Frederick Buechner, Telling the Truth: The Gospel as Tragedy, Comedy, and Fairy Tale

I’ve been devouring Frederick Buechner’s books. I feel like a thief constantly ordering them from amazon for only a penny and shipping. This last quote I have read and re-read constantly over the past few days and I find it to be stunningly beautiful and poetic. It says it all doesn’t it?

So as I stand firm against strong currents I will not long for other waters. Though at times it seems too hard and I’d rather jump ship. I like the pool I’ve been placed in.

This is me…staying the course.